Coming Out Of The Closet
by Kyukyoku Rinnegan
Summary: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned; that's a little fact that the naive Ichigo has yet to learn. His firehead attitude lands him in a more than a spot of bother after he shouts Rukia out of his closet. It's time for Ichigo to learn not to mess with a woman as messing with her is equal to bringing Hell on Earth. Lots of laughable scenes. I DARE YOU NOT TO LAUGH!


**Hello everyone. Golden Rinnegan is in the house with a new oneshot. Now i tend to make most of the oneshots having comedy and humor. This is my first Bleach oneshot. I hope you all enjoy it.**

 **And as always, Stay Breezy.**

* * *

It all started out as a normal day...

"Man. I could really use some peace and quiet right now..." Ichigo said as he laid down on the bed. Just as he closed his eyes, he heared a ringing voice. Ichigo angerily woke up and stormed up of his bed. He looked for the source of the voice and it turned out to be from his closet. He opened the closet to find Rukia inside it with her cell phone producing a ringtone.

"Oh. Hi Ichigo! Iam updating my ringtone to Chappy-theme tune. Would you like-" Before Rukia could finish her words, Ichigo interrupted her.

"WHO SAID YOU COULD SQUAT IN MY CLOSET AGAIN?! GOD RUKIA YOUR SUCH A PAIN! I EXPECT YOU WANT ME TO SNEAK MEALS UP TO YOU AND WORK LIKE A DOG TO YOU ALL OF A SUDDEN?! AS IF! IWOULD RATHER HAVE ANYBODY BUT YOU IN THIS CLOSET!" Ichigo yelled at Rukia before storming away from his closet. Rukia just stood there with a blank look on her face and her eyes narrowed and just whispered one thing.

"Anybody but me, huh?"

* * *

(The next day):

Ichigo was taking a bath in his bathroom. He had just finished and he exited the bathroom.

"Oi, Rukia. Iam coming in there to get some clothes, Got it?" Ichigo said before opening the closet. Only to find something that shocked him.

There. Stood Uryu Ishida in his closet. Uryu had changed Ichigo's clothes to the same sets of clothes he wore.

"What are you doing in my closet...?" Ichigo asked Uryu before Uryu picked up a white shirt with light blue collar and handed it to Ichigo.

"What perfect timing Kurosaki. I have just the outfit for you" Uryu said holding the shirt to Ichigo.

* * *

(1 hour later. After kicking Uryu and his clothes out of Ichigo's closet):

Ichigo wore his everyday clothes. A white shirt along with light blue jeans. Right now he was thinking about what Uryu was doing in his closet.

"I can't believe what Ishida did to my clothes" Ichigo said alittle annoyed. He then headed to his closet.

"It'd better be back to normal today or else" He said as he proceeded to open his closet.

And just as he did so, a massive gust of wind blew past him. He looked in his closet to find that it no longer looked like a closet.

Right in front of him was what looked like a vast area of mountain and sand. To Ichigo it looked like a desert. Ichigo looked closely to find Kisuke Urahara sitting on a small boulder. Kisuke noticed him and called for him.

"YOOHOO! Kurosaki-san! I hope you like your new Training Grounds!" Kisuke called for Ichigo as his voice echoed in the desert. Ichigo looked at this and his eye twitched dangerously.

* * *

(2 hours later. After shoving Zangetsu in Kisuke's ass and forcing him to return Ichigo's closet back to normal):

Ichigo heared knocking that came from his closet. Sweat came from his forehead and he had a worried look on his face.

 _'What if they teamed together? It's going to be huge isn't it?'_ Ichigo thought before he walked to his closet.

 _'There's only one way to find out_ _'_ He thought once more before he opened the closet.

Only to find his friend Yasutora Sado, sitting in his closet. He was so big that the closet itself didn't fit him. Ichigo heared him snoring which meant that he was sleeping. Sado then woke up to find Ichigo in front of him.

"It's cramped. Did Rukia really sleep in here?" He asked promoting Ichigo to pull his hair and cry to the heavens.

 _'This doesn't look Good. Is he Laughing or Crying'_ Sado thought.

* * *

(5 hours later. After managing by some sort of miracle to get Sado out of the closet and out of the house):

Ichigo right now was in front of his closet, shirtless.

 _'Alright. Here it goes'_ He thought as he proceeded to open his closet.

Only to find Orihime Inoue inside the closet. To say Ichigo was surprise.

"Inoue" Ichigo asked confused. Orihime just extened her arms with a shirt for Ichigo while laughing nervously.

"Ahahaha. Kurosaki-kun. What a surprise. I wasn't expecting you here. Shirtless too. Wow you sure have lots of muscles, you are really strong aren't you. Here, have a shirt" Orihime said handing the shirt to Ichigo. Still laughing nervously.

* * *

(2 hours later. After Orihime left the house):

"If people keep showing up in my closet. Girls especially, then i will just have to make sure that iam fully dressed before opening it, right?" Ichigo said as he made sure he was fully dressed before he opened his closet. However when he opened he didn't expect what he saw.

Right in front of him was Yoruichi Shihion.

And she was completely naked.

"Yo Ichigo. Long time no see" Yoruichi said smirking at Ichigo who was sweating bullets and his two nostrils were bleeding. Ichigo then slammed the closet door shut and held his heavily bleeding nose to stop the bleeding.

* * *

(2 hours later. After Yoruichi disappeared from the closet):

Ichigo is now seen sleeping peacefully on his bed. However at the same time, something entered his room and landed on his lap. Ichigo lazily opened his eyes to see Yoruichi in her black cat form.

"Yoruichi-san?" Ichigo asked lazily before he saw Yoruichi waginig her tail on his nose.

"ACHOO!" Ichigo sneezed loudly as Yoruichi jumped out of his lap.

* * *

(Half an Hour later. After Ichigo made sure Yoruichi is out of the house for good):

Ichigo was now sleeping peacefully again. However, something entered his room and landed on his lap. Ichigo, thinking it was Yoruichi, opened his eyes lazily.

"Yoruichi-san?" He said lazily.

However what he saw had just kicked the sleep from his eyes.

Right on his lap.

Was the 6th Espada.

Grimmjow Jagersjaquez.

In his Resurreccion form.

Sleeping soundly on Ichigo.

Ichigo's eyes widened in horror and the only one reasonable thing a sensible human being can do in his position.

Scream loudly for help.

* * *

(The next day):

Ichigo was sitting in his bedroom ready a book that its title said: 'How to get rid of annoying friends'. It was then when he heared a scratching sound in his closet. He looked up from his book.

"That sounds like some kind of an animal" Ichigo said before he saw the closet opening by itself. It was soon revealed that Saijin Komamura is the one that opened it from inside.

"Hey Ichigo, why does your closet smell of cat?" Komamura asked Ichigo.

"More importantly, how did you get in here?!" Ichigo asked angerily.

* * *

(5 hours later. After frying Komamura with a Getsuga Tensho):

A knock on the door was heared. Ichigo heared the knock.

"Coming" He said as he opened the door.

Only to see Yachiru Kusajishi, Kenpachi Zaraki adoptive daughter in front of him.

"Hey Ichi. Iam looking for my new friend. We are playing Hide and Seek together" Yachiru said innocently making Ichigo stare at her with a dumbfound expression on his face.

"...just a second" He replied as he walked to his closet and proceeded to open it. And just as he opened the door of the closet, something or someone jumped at him tackling him on the ground. Ichigo looked at the one who tackled him. Only to see that it was Nel Tu in her child form.

"ITSYGOOO! I haben't sheen you in a while, Itsygo. Were you pwaying Hide and Sweek too?" Nel asked in her childish accent.

"Pwaying? That's not a play pen. That's my closet. How the heck do you guys keeping getting in there?!" Ichigo yelled.

"Itsygo ish mean. U-UWAAAAH!" Nel cried.

"Iam telling Ken-chan" Yachiru exclaimed.

"Fat Baldy! Gwumpy Birgin!" Nel said to Ichigo.

"Shut up!" Ichigo yelled.

* * *

(2 hours later. After scaring Nel and Yachiru out of the house):

"Okay. Iam giving it another go" Ichigo said as he opened his closet. Once he opened it, Kenpachi Zaraki was standing in front of him with his eyepatch off. His fuckin eyepatch is off.

Ichigo sweated bullets at Kenpachi who was unleashing high spiritual pressure at Ichigo.

"You made Yachiru cry and i will skewer you right now" Kenpachi said having a sick grin at Ichigo who was sweating bullets at this.

 _'What have i done in my pitful life to deserve this?'_

* * *

(5 hours later. After barely surviving Kenpachi):

A worn out Ichigo entered his house and then his bedroom to take a shower in his bathroom. He then got out of the bathroom and entered his bedroom. His tireness didn't even shake his alarms about his closet. He opened it to see something unbelievable.

Right in front of him.

Ikkaku Madarame.

With an evil grin and white glowing eyes.

"Ikkaku?" Ichigo said sweating bullets and shaking while naked in fear. Ichigo then noticed something in Ikkaku's hands.

He had a large jug full of coffee in one hand and a coffee cup in another hand. Ichigo saw Ikkaku shaking. Still having his evil grin and white glowing eyes.

"Ikkaku?" Ichigo said once more and then suddenly, Ikkaku screamed manically making Ichigo jump from surprise. He didn't notice that the towel that was covering his lower half had fell.

"HAAAAAA! GIVE COFFEE FOR IKKAKU! GIVE IKKAKU FOR COFFEE!" Ikkaku screamed manically before droping the coffee jug and and the cup and drawing his Zanpakuto and releasing its Shikai state and then he ran after Ichigo, how ran out of his house while naked fearing to be cutted by the insane beast incarnate.

* * *

(5 hours later. After barely surviving Ikkaku):

Ichigo entered his house while naked. Every single on of his friends saw him naked and running away from Ikkaku. Everyone thought that he was mad. Well, someone running naked in night. They are right in every single thought they have about him.

Ichigo then opened the door to enter his house.

"Iam home..." He barely said this word as a blur came towards him.

"YOUR LATE!" Isshin yelled delivering a devastating kick to the side of Ichigo's face, redeeming him unxoinscous and leaving a very large bruise on his cheek.

"Ichigo? Why are you naked?" Isshin asked his uncoinscous son.

* * *

(2 hours later. After putting Ichigo in bed):

Ichigo slept snoring heavily with a heavy purple bruise on his cheek. He suddenly woke up at the sound of lightning. He gasped for breath and looked through his window. Just as the thunder struck, an image of a woman with very long hair that was covering her face flashed in front of his eyes. Ichigo gasped and jumped in surprise. He then rubbed his eyes to make sure what he saw was just an illusion. He then looked at the wondow once more and the woman was not found. He then released a breath he didn't even know he was holding. He suddenly gasped once more when he heared moaning and hissing laughter. He then got out of his bed slowly as he knew that the voice was already from his closet. He moved slowly with all of his muscles shaking in fear. He jumped as thunder roared once more. He then stood in front of the closet. He then gulped a pulm in his throat and with a shaking hand he opened the closet slowly and what he saw made his heart stop.

Right in front of him, Retsu Unohana in her bloodthirsty mode standing with a knife that was stained with blood in front of a bath tube with someone Ichigo didn't recognize due to the bath tube having curtains covering the guy. Unohana just smiled her freakish smile before she rapidly stabbed the man who was in the bath tube. Said man screamed in agony as he was stabbed multiple times.

Ichigo then turned his head slowly to the other side. He saw something more terrifying.

Right in front of him, Toshiro Hitsugaya was inside a large bird cage covered in blood and he was hanged by a rope that was attached to the top of the bird cage. His face was plastered to a bloody smile and his four limbs were torn from their places and placed below his hanged body. Gin Ichimaru was standing on one of the corners of the cage with a cookie in his hand along with his creepy smile on his face. He was poking Toshiro's face with the cookie while repeatedly saying 'Shiro wants a cracker'. Gin and Unohana stopped what they were doing and looked at Ichigo with their freaky smiles widening more and more. Ichigo then looked between their forms to see blood red glowing eyes looking at him. Ichigo shook in his place in fear and horror. A face appeared with the glowing eyes to reveal it was Genryusai Shigekuni Yamamoto. He said only one phrase in a demonic voice to Ichigo.

 **"Your Time Has Came Ichigo Kurosaki"**

With those words being said, Ichigo's body shoke more rapidly in horror. His body became pale white from hair to toe. This continued for about 10 second untill Ichigo's body stopped shaking and suddenly stiffened and he fell on the floor uncoinscous.

Just as he fell uncoinscous, Light illuminated Ichigo's room as all of his friends from Soul Society and Human World, including Rukia and along with the captains and the Espada came rushing at him. His two sisters were by his side with tears streaming down their faces and their father and the others were trying to wake him up.

"I think we overdone it alittle" Yamamoto said.

"Alittle? Alittle?! The guy's gonna die and your saying alittle?!" Nellil, in her adult form yelled at Yamamoto.

"Don't worry my son! Your father is here in the rescue!" Isshin exclaimed as he opened his mouth wide before blowing into Ichigo's mouth.

"EWWWW!" Everyone said in unison seeing Isshin blowing into Ichigo's mouth. Isshin backed off of Ichigo. Suddenly, Ichigo woke up and sat down while rapidly breathing with his eyes widened in complete horror.

"Brother. Brother can you hear me?" Karin asked in a very worried tone.

"Ichigo, big brother. Calm down" Yuzu said in a worried tone as well. She then ran out of the house and handed Ichigo a glass of water. However, due to being horrified to the extent of death, he couldn't even raise his hand to grap the glass of water. So, Karin held his head from behind and Yuzu grabbed his chin and poured the water in his mouth to make him drink the glass of water. Ichigo gulped the glass of water as if it was the first thing he ever drank in his life. After gulping the glass of water, Ichigo's breathing rate slowed down and he looked around him to see everyone looking at him with worried looks. Even Yamamoto and the Espada were there. Ichigo took time untill he can talk and when he could do so, he spoke.

"W-What is going on?" Ichigo said sttutering.

Everyone in the room letted out a breath they didn't know they held.

"Kurosaki. You had us all worried" Uryu said.

"Thank Godness your all right Kurosaki-kun" Orihime said.

"What happened?" Ichigo said.

"Well, Rukia told us that she wanted to prank you because you had made her angry" Yoruichi said.

"We decided to help her because ever since Aizen's and Yhwach's defeats and we have nothing to do" Gin said.

"So we went to your closet and made pranks on you. Urahara-san created a Garganta which is connected to your closet" Nellil said.

"And the changes inside your closet like the desert are just illusions. Nothing more nothing less" Unohana said.

"It was really hilarious seeing your face when Kenpachi ran after you" Shunsui said chuckling.

"Or when Grimmjow slept on you" Uryu said chuckling as well.

"Or when Ikkaku ran after you while you were naked" Yumichika said chuckling as well.

The room was soon filled with laughter. The laughter died down as Rukia came in front of Ichigo lowering her head on the floor.

"Ichigo. Iam...Iam very...Sorry about what i had done to you in the last two days" Rukia said.

"It's okay Rukia. It's my fault that i yelled at you. Iam naive and i know that about myself. So i should be the one to ask you for forgivness" Ichigo said making Rukia raise her head and a smile plastered her face. Ichigo smiled as well at her.

"Iam sorry but there's something that must be noted" Komamura said.

"What is it?" Ichigo asked.

"Well, we had helped Rukia because she told us that she will give us spiritual points" Yoruichi said.

"And Rukia said that your the one whose going to pay for it, Kurosaki" Uryu said making Ichigo widen his eyes in shock.

"What? Rukia what do you me-" Ichigo started to say but then looked around to find that Rukia had escaped.

"We want our spiritual points, Ichigo Kurosaki. 99999999999999999 spiritual points. No more no less" Yamamoto said making Ichigo's jaw drop an the floor.

"RUKIAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

* * *

And Done. Well. Longest oneshot ever. I hope that you all like it.

Golden Rinnegan, Out.


End file.
